Navigations are at the top.
For many years, I have been looking for my limit.
At this moment in time, I have given up on almost
everything because I am just sooooooo exhausted.
I do not feel like taking on anymore leadership role
for at least the next 2 years and not be committed
in any projects or anything else, except for my
school work. It seems like it is a built up of events
that led me to the state that I am in right now. I
do not think my failed relationship is the main
cause but I believe that was my breaking point.
The stress and emotional distress got so bad and
overwhelming that I just could not take it. I need
to get myself to a neutral state, meaning that I've
no other secondary duties but my primary duty,
which is to settle my degree. Now, I am sort of
unsure of what I want anymore, where I should
go, what kind of person that I want to be, how
can I achieve happiness and many other doubts.
I was wondering to myself, is this really my peak?
I can't wait for this semester to be over and let me
use the summer holidays to sort myself out. BUT, I
can only officially do that when I finish my Term 3A.
Although I am feeling much better about several
things, I just don't feel enthusiastic about a lot of
things and this is not a good sign because I was
once an individual who never gives up on anything
and I never feel anything is impossible. I just want
my old bastardy self back. I need to do some soul
searching and refocus my life.
As of this morning at about 10am, I have taken the
first step to recovery by booking my air tickets to
Istanbul Turkey. MUAHAHHAHAHAHA !!!! Higher
level soul searching comes at a higher cost. HAHA !
But before I can start planning what I want to do
over there, I must mug my ass off and study for
the finals !!!!