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Woke up pretty late this morning. I was just really tired.
But at least I got up in time to catch McDonald's before
lunchtime sets in. HAHAHHA ! Wanted to buy back home
but then saw Hozea and Enai. So, I decided to join them.
Haven't had a meal with them for a long long time and
it is good to sit down with them to talk to them about
what has been happening to our lives.
Even though I am not totally over her yet, I can accept
her going for someone else as long as she thinks
that she will be happier. She told me that she is not
happy yet but I just hope that she can find her happiness.
She asked me if I really think I would be the best for her
and in my mind, it is 1 million times YES ! I know what she
needs and what will make her happy. It is just that I do
not have the chance to prove to her that I can meet her
expectations.
As I was talking to Hozea and Enai, it is good to know
that they are still together even if there were difficult
times. Their solution is to work things out and of course
with the help of GOD. There were times when they argued
and Enai was neglected, but they made it through somehow.
Love takes a lot of effort and if a couple can pull through
the toughest period of time, the outcome will be satisfying
and fulfilling for both parties. Their love for each other will
grow even stronger.
There is one thing that I must agree with Enai. Sometimes,
a guy must compromise with the girl and love her the way
she wants to be love. It is a give and take situation. If you
really love that person, love her the way that she wants to be
loved and she will be HAPPY ! Maybe that why's my relationship
did not survive. I did not love her the way that she wanted to
be loved. Even though I am aware of my mistake now and
hope to atone for my mistakes, the future is uncertain. The
only thing I can do right now is to let nature takes it course.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
IT HAS BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE I BLOGGED !!!
Thanks to someone who reminded me that I used to have a blog.
I have decided to start blogging again because I realised that it is
a good way for me to reflect upon my life and my beliefs.
I was reminded of a blog which has been long forgotten. It was
during the days where lytesmore, vampireunleash, brainy_pinky and
cult almighty would defend the world from all evilness and be there
for one another by commenting on each other's blog.
As I read through the blog, I started to remember the feelings and
emotions that I used to have when I was still in Poly. The adrenaline
was unforgettable. I worked hard for my dreams and fought hard for
my ambitions. I wanted to get into a University and come out from it
with a Bachelor Degree majoring in Human Resource Management.
During my poly days, I was just so positive and motivated. It seemed
as though nothing was going to bring me down and indeed, nothing
brought me down during that 3 years. I was only moving up. I was
strong minded and my thoughts were deep. I feel that I was wiser and
much smarter when I was still in Poly.
At this moment in time, I am still working hard for the same goal in
Singapore Management University but the feeling is different. I do not
feel that motivated anymore and my mind is weak. I am going through
the toughest period of my life right now as the person I thought I was
going to be with for the rest of my life left me. I know that I have done
her wrong for 6 months and it is all because I mismanaged my life.
I have neglected her and I did not notice it until she told me that she is
leaving me on 15th Dec 2008 (the day before I left for HK). For 7 days,
I could do nothing but to wait to go back to Singapore and do my best
to win her heart back. I really think that the issues in our relationship
can be worked out but she does not believe that I could change for her.
For 2 months I tried and I think I've irritated her to a certain extent. I
have not given up yet, but I think I should respect her decision and let
her lead her own life. There are things that I've found out in the process
of trying to win her back but it is not going to stop me from loving her.
I still do love her, but she has already told me that she cannot love me
anymore. I know it might sound stupid but it is not easy to let go of a
person whom you love so much. If your loved ones (parents, brother
and sisters) decided to ignore you and ask you to leave them alone,
are you really going to stop loving them ?
Even though I really want her to come back to me, I think the best thing
that I can do right now is to let her lead her own life and not pressurized
her. I always say that if you really love a person and that person is not
happy being by your side, you should let her find her own happiness
and wish her all the best. I never believe that I can ever do that but it
seems like I am doing it already. I guess to a certain extent, I have grown
up emotionally. I don't hate her or anything and I am still willing to help
her whenever she meets any difficulties. I just do not want to upset her
anymore and wish her all the best in whatever she does in her life. I think
that by doing so, I will also feel better and I can carry on with my life. It is
really tiring to hate someone even though it is the fastest way to get back
on your feet. Hating is easier than loving a person but I am not going to
do that.
Somehow, I felt better as I read through my old blog. It reminded me of
what I used to believe in and what kind of person I was. It seems like I
have talked myself out of the situation I am in. How Ironic ? HAHHA ! I
was encountering a similar situation 5 years ago and I blogged about it.
Perhaps I will have a little crisis in my life every 5 years to remind myself
who I really am and what are my goals and dreams.
THANKS TO ALL U WHO WERE THERE FOR ME DURING THIS TOUGH TIME,
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT !!!
Stronger Now - Warrant
I held you for a moment in my hands
The moment with you slipped away like sand
Through my fingers now
In front of me a choice I have to make
To carry on or simply fade away
I lose you either way
I¹d like to say that it was easy, it was hard
To say goodbye, I thought that I would die
Chorus:
Letting go of you, was so hard to
And I thought that it would kill me but I made
It through somehow, and I'm so much stronger now
I gave to you my love and my respect
But I could never make you love me back
I denied it so
I grew bitter watching you grow cold
My life became your prison, took it's toll
I decided Like a bird that's trapped
Inside a gilded cage
It's right to set it free,
Hurts to watch it
Fly away